One of the best parts about marriage is being so comfortable with your hubby that you can say just about anything to him. But if you don’t watch your mouth, sometimes the ugly truth comes out in hurtful ways. Though you may have legitimate concerns to express or issues to bring up, doing so in a harsh manner can be damaging in the long term, to both your husband’s feelings and your relationship. Below are 5 things you should never say to your husband.
1.My mother warned me you’d do this!
Something must have seriously infuriated you, because what you’re doing here is letting him know that there are others in your camp. But that’s never a good idea because it’s telling him that you’re not on his side, or on the side of your relationship. Though you should never let the opinions of others’ dictate your relationship, if there is some kernel of truth to a concern that your mother raised, think about how to address that without ganging up on him.
2.You’re just like your father.
This is just a no-no, it’s nasty and belittling, and it gets at his fear that he may be exhibiting the worst traits of his family. If you’re about to spout a criticism like this, stop and think about what’s behind it.
3.You always… [fill in the blank]” or “You never… [fill in the blank]
These are two phrases I advise couples never to use because they set up an instant, negative tone; they halt communication and they put the other person on the defensive.
4.Yes, I had an orgasm. (when you didn’t)
Lying is never a great idea, especially when it comes to s*xual intimacy. When you pretend you’re enjoying s*x, you may think that you’re sparing his feelings, but you’re actually pushing him away by not being honest. And chances are, you aren’t fooling him: The very fact that he’s asking usually means he suspects that something is up. Then, while you’re both clothed and not in the bedroom, bring up some things you enjoy s*xually and that you would like to try in order to enhance the experience next time around, taking care not to place blame on him. By emphasizing what arouses you and what you two can do in the future, you’ll spare his feelings without duping him in the process.
5.When are you going to find a new job?
First, figure out why you want him to find a new job so badly. Do you dislike how much time he spends away from home? Do you think he can or should be further ahead career-wise? Is he not bringing home a healthy-enough salary? “Before you say anything that could be hurtful to him, think about what your own issues are. To avoid this, have regular talks about both of your jobs, career ambitions, and budget concerns. If you have an issue with how much money he’s making, “it’s an opportunity to talk about your lifestyle and how you want to live.